i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
