my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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