I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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