He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's shark week go big or go home
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
