is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
