Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
