My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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