I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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