I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She told me I should be a condom model.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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