I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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