I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize