Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
