Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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