I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
