Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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