I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
