I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
