You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
birth control should be required to get into college
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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