If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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