Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just want nice things and good sex
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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