so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
