he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
