don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
