They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
