I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
