That's intense
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
