sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
