I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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