you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
