Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
