the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
