3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
