arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
