I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
