i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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