He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
