did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
