i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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