guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
