remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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