I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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