how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
