Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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