I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
