He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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