I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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