Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
