It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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