My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
