it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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