did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize