Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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