Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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