Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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