cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
