I think my fart just growled at me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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