Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
