I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
