i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
