I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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