Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
