I could make wine with my vomit
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
