she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
