Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
