Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
