Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
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