I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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