Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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