Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Houston, we have a blender
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
