discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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