I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
