Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
