It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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