Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
