He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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