When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
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when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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