Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
